Miami Doctor to Introduce Therapy Program for Liberals

Published on November 12, 2004 By SOirresistible In Politics

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Unfortinately, his program is just for the liberals with their tinfoil hats on a little too tight (you know, the "Bush stole the election!" and "I'm moving to Canada!" ones).

Hopefully mine will catch on faster, it's much easier:

1. The first step is intervention: isolate the liberal and take away any/all Michael Moore propaganda. This first step is called Penetrating their Forcefield of Sheer Irrationality.

2. Recovering liberal: now you must get a job, work hard at it, and keep it.

3. Unless you're actually Jamaican, no more tye-dyed Bob Marley t-shirts or dreadlocks for you.

4. Shower frequency will be mandated to daily.

5. If you're able-bodied, you must sign 30-page affidavits for every 5 cents of social welfare you take out - exceptions for formerly productive members of society will be allowed, if you contributed or are preparing to contribute, no tedious paperwork is necessary.

6. We'll hand you a chainsaw, and give you the choice of either cutting down a tree or your fellow American, so all you eco-terrorists will understand the rampant tree-hugger hatred states including but not limited to:
(a) Minnesota, who hates you for forcing the federal Wolf Reintroduction upon us; monetary loss of livestock to wolf depredation and record spillover of wolf repopulations into our border states have cost us so much money and frustration, to the point where we had to hire gov't shooters to kill these "endangered species," we finally finally won and forced the US Wildlife Service to relinquish all wolf mgmt to the MN DNR.
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Montanans hate you eco-terrorists for your anti-lumber protests; Montana lost hundreds of thousands of acres of trees to fires - acres that, instead of going up in smoke, could've been a part of giving many Montanans jobs. The Montana Economy ranks 47th in the nation, yet it is rich with natural resources that DC-based eco-terrorists have lobbied to obstruct. It's not so easy to save the trees when you could save your state's citizens instead.
(c) Alaskans hate you eco-terrorists because of ANWR opposition - over 75% of Alaskans (GOP, Dem, rural, and urban) favor opening ANWR to oil and natural gas exploration. It makes no sense that Alaska's budget is in deficit but the state has potential billions sitting in oil reserves. ANWR is 19million acres, the US would only utilize 8% of that, that's hardly destroying the entire ecosystem.

7. Once you've held your job for 6 continuous months, you're halfway cured! The last step is to not feel guilty and self-hatred for working hard for you money. If such feelings arise, please feel free to enroll in the Crackpot Liberal Outreach Program, where you, as a productive member of society, can reach out and sponsor your own liberal loony!

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